this picture explains it all. oofta what a day. completely exhausting i tell you! it’s crazy to think i’ve been at recovery for a little over a month now. looking at what i was, where i was, what i was thinking, what i was doing, honestly, who i was at the beginning.
that first day..makes me shutter. makes me shutter because it doesn’t even seem like me, but most of all because of the state of which i was in. my matter, my being, my body, me, as a whole was a shell. i reckon that’s what i described myself as in a post right before going in.
IN, into what? in the bigger picture, going into my future, going into foreign lands, going into places that i never wanted to go, going into the valley of death, and coming out on the other side to the valley of life. and i reckon i’m still in it, cause well technically i am still in treatment, but it’s the recovery that i’m still in and that i know i’ll be in for a very very long time from now.
i’m in it, in it to win it ha! damn, but days like today, i know that this disease is wanting to grip me back in so incredably bad, that satan’s disgusting claws are just scraping the inside walls and could really start scraping at my growing recovery…all because i’m so insanely exhasuted. that’s how insane this all is, because every inch of me is so tired it wants to prowl, but i’m so thankful that i’ve grown to keep myself busy, keep myself reminded…..reminded of why i started this, better yet why i’m going to finish it.
wither you can relate to all of this, or you’re just tired from one fucking long ass day, remind yourself of the little things, your plans for the weekend, your loved ones, happy memories, or remind yourself that you’re alive. and that might just be enough.
